Don't Use God On Your Résumé

Why does God only talk to people who want to be President?   Did he ever make demands on a Nobel Prize-winning economist?  Has there ever been a call from the Lord saying, “Go and fix the economy in America, Ishmael”?  Why doesn’t God stick to the original plan and tell Michele Bachmann to go and give everything she has to the poor and follow him?  Are we just short on poor people nowadays?  At the very least, he might ask her to stop soaking up so much lobbyist money that is unaccounted for.

I’m not at all skeptical about people receiving a call from God.  Mother Teresa was most definitely one such incredible person.  I once read a passage on Mother Teresa where she recalled the moment she felt her calling from God.  While she was riding in a train from Calcutta to Darjeeling to engage in 8 days of spiritual preparation, she received a divine calling from God "to serve Him amongst the poorest of the poor."  For 51 years, Mother Teresa fulfilled her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, and service to the poor.  As a result, over 5000 sisters, brothers, and volunteers run approximately 500 centers worldwide, feeding 500,000 families and helping 90,000 lepers every year.

Why would God’s call to Michele Bachmann include millions of dollars in campaign contributions and a big white house?  Did she have to take a vow of steak dinners and colorfully polished suits?  The Almighty must have really taken a shine to Michele.  After all, her lunch is surf and turf while Mother Teresa had to eat a cup of rice each day for 51 years on the days she wasn’t fasting.      

Nothing pisses me off more than a politician using God to win a political seat.  It reeks of deception and is a personal attack on the Lord’s good taste in prophets.  When he made David the King of Israel, God simply said, “Rise and anoint him; he is the one.”  There were no backroom deals or lobbyists involved.  David didn’t have to raise money or kiss babies.  God commanded it and it was a done deal.  If the Lord wants something done, he does it.  A true prophet goes and accomplishes Gods word.  At least that’s what I’ve always heard.  That’s how I know it’s real. 

I can’t imagine God is happy with people who stick him on their résumé every time they want something.  He wants you to spread the word, not use it to pry the hinges open to the White House.  I guess the GOP has not gotten the word on that since every four years a new Republican Candidate declares they’ve heard their calling from God.  Here’s my final question: if you wouldn’t use your children to get what you want, shouldn’t you think twice about using your God?

    

      

30 Excuses God Hates to Hear

1.) You have to admit I’m better than I used to be.

2.) I’m sorry I thought $20 was ten percent of thirty

    million.

3.) Does that still count if it’s Thanksgiving?

4.) But that‘s what a buffet is for.

5.) Sure, if you multiply it by 66 years that is a lot of

      beer.

6.) How can that count when I was in the church

    parking lot?

7.) But she was my cousin by marriage.

8.) The words were too small when I got to that part.

9.) He was dead, so I didn’t think he needed it.

10.) It was like that when I got there.

11.) I thought the word “Covet” was just a figure of

        speech.

12.) She’s a liar and so is her sister.

13.) He’s a liar and so is his Dad.

14.) If Christ was Jewish then why was he a
         carpenter?

15.) It all looks the same in the dark.

16.) I just wanted to see if it would reach that far.

17.) It's a medicine cabinet!  People expect you to go

        through it.

18.) Isn’t that why you created penicillin?

19.) If he didn't want me to take it then why does he

      keep leaving his wallet in the same place?

20.) I took the blame for that the first two times.

21.) I’m not the one who was naked.

22.) Is it stealing if it’s your family?

23.) But I swear I’m always nice to people who aren’t 

      the right color.

24.) How do you know if they’re really homeless?

25.) They wouldn’t let me join unless I did it.

26.) But they weren’t even American.

27.) Is it idolatry if you have a beer in your hand?

28.) It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve

      done but . . .

29.) Define the word “is”.

30.) If I go on Sundays I'll miss the game.