America Is Pissing Off The Bartender

A rich man in America is one who owns his mind.  True wealth comes from a man who possesses accurate thinking while standing in a swamp of the Limbaugh’s, O’Reilly’s, O’Donnell’s, and Sharpton’s.  He is a man who is able to climb out of the slimy green with an honest understanding of any issue.  Rhetoric and dishonesty is the meat of the common man when economic survival is on the line.  No hungry dog would turn away from a chicken bone just because it was given to the cat.  We tune into what we want to hear; what we believe to be in our own best interests.

I am blessed with two amazing children who enjoy two polar opposite political attitudes.  My daughter will be disgusted with me because I did not begin this article with, “A rich person in America”.  My son will be concerned with the amount of time and money that went into writing this article, and the effects it might have on his future plans for dinner.  Can you pick which one is Liberal and which is the staunch Conservative?

Today I woke up to my usual cup of coffee while soaking up the opinions of Democrats and Republicans on Morning Joe.  The topic was about the Catholic Church and its opposition to the mandate in our new healthcare law which demands that all health insurance providers offer coverage for prescribed birth control.  I. E., the American government is imposing its rules upon the rules and values of a church.  I was quickly informed by the Liberals that I did not understand correctly.  As it was expressed in written form in the latest edition of The Huffington Post, “It is not about government controls, and it is not about infringement of our religious beliefs. It is about a church that has lost touch with reality.”

 

I love those two lines.  It saves the American people the trouble of thinking for themselves.  The fact is that the United States Government is indeed telling the Catholic Church to provide coverage for birth control which the Church is opposed to on moral grounds.  That fact denotes “Government Control” quickly followed by “Infringement of Religious Beliefs”.  That is a big door I do not want to open.  Both parties need to know that once the government has the keys to the front door of the church, they can throw any party they want to when you’re out of town.

The Clint Eastwood commercial was also heading the news.  Unbeknownst to most Liberals and Conservatives alike, this was a campaign ad for Obama.  I admit I had to go back and watch the commercial again because that went way over my head.  It was even greater the second time around.  Clint Eastwood was inspiring the workforce of America and it was AWESOME!  Carl Rove assures me however, that this commercial was paid for by the Obama campaign due to the bailout given to Chrysler.  This would carry a lot more weight if it had not been for the Bush administration also contributing 4 billion dollars to the bailout long before the Obama administration came along.  Why did they bail out Chrysler?  It was in the best interests of America!  Once in a while politicians put down their pious dogma, look around, and realize it’s time to do what is best for America.  That is what President Bush and President Obama did.

 Mr. Rove is clearly off his game.  A Chrysler commercial with Clint Eastwood as a spokesperson does not in any way have the feel of political favoritism.  Make no mistake about it though; Carl Rove is one of the best Spinmeisters to ever play the game of politics, but he missed the board, the wall, and pissed off the bartender on this one.

Let’s not piss-off the bartender people.  America cannot win if we spend all of our drinking time demonizing the other party.  Let us listen, ask questions; know both sides of an argument and come to our own conclusions.  Our diverse experiences and opinions from all walks of life is what fuel’s the success of this great nation.   These “Crazy Liberals” and “Psycho Conservatives” are not our enemies.  They are our friends, neighbors, and family.  They are my son and daughter.  Let us listen as well as speak, so that we may take the best parts of every plan and put America back together.  Teamwork is the solution or as my Great, great, great, great, great + 25 more greats, grandfather once said, “Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all.”  ~Alexander the Great

Don't Use God On Your Résumé

Why does God only talk to people who want to be President?   Did he ever make demands on a Nobel Prize-winning economist?  Has there ever been a call from the Lord saying, “Go and fix the economy in America, Ishmael”?  Why doesn’t God stick to the original plan and tell Michele Bachmann to go and give everything she has to the poor and follow him?  Are we just short on poor people nowadays?  At the very least, he might ask her to stop soaking up so much lobbyist money that is unaccounted for.

I’m not at all skeptical about people receiving a call from God.  Mother Teresa was most definitely one such incredible person.  I once read a passage on Mother Teresa where she recalled the moment she felt her calling from God.  While she was riding in a train from Calcutta to Darjeeling to engage in 8 days of spiritual preparation, she received a divine calling from God "to serve Him amongst the poorest of the poor."  For 51 years, Mother Teresa fulfilled her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, and service to the poor.  As a result, over 5000 sisters, brothers, and volunteers run approximately 500 centers worldwide, feeding 500,000 families and helping 90,000 lepers every year.

Why would God’s call to Michele Bachmann include millions of dollars in campaign contributions and a big white house?  Did she have to take a vow of steak dinners and colorfully polished suits?  The Almighty must have really taken a shine to Michele.  After all, her lunch is surf and turf while Mother Teresa had to eat a cup of rice each day for 51 years on the days she wasn’t fasting.      

Nothing pisses me off more than a politician using God to win a political seat.  It reeks of deception and is a personal attack on the Lord’s good taste in prophets.  When he made David the King of Israel, God simply said, “Rise and anoint him; he is the one.”  There were no backroom deals or lobbyists involved.  David didn’t have to raise money or kiss babies.  God commanded it and it was a done deal.  If the Lord wants something done, he does it.  A true prophet goes and accomplishes Gods word.  At least that’s what I’ve always heard.  That’s how I know it’s real. 

I can’t imagine God is happy with people who stick him on their résumé every time they want something.  He wants you to spread the word, not use it to pry the hinges open to the White House.  I guess the GOP has not gotten the word on that since every four years a new Republican Candidate declares they’ve heard their calling from God.  Here’s my final question: if you wouldn’t use your children to get what you want, shouldn’t you think twice about using your God?

    

      

List of American Political Insults

In the late 90’s, I was called a whore and a prostitute by someone I’d never met.  He was a wealthy conservative who lived 5 miles from my house.  Angered by a Letter to the Editor I had written for The Tennessean, he blasted me with baseless vulgarities.  

The letter I had written was a simple defense of our then First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton.  It simply stated that the style of the woman’s hair was being overly covered by a small minded press.  I was shocked at the written outburst.  My husband, being the hot tempered Irishman he is, paid Mr. Nasty a visit.  Nasty never answered his door, but had turned out to be the first of many Nastys.

 

Last week, I wrote a satirical piece on gas saving tips.  I got the business end of the liberal bat which I once brandished.  I am slowly finding out that both parties have a taste for blood when it comes to dishing out insults.  At one point in my philosophical development, I was certain Conservatives were far more childish in their attacks.  Clearly this is not the case.  One person of a similar species to humans actually said, “WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!”  I was no doubt dealing with a professional. 

 

After being thoroughly maligned by both sides of the isle, I became curious as to the history of political insults.  I’ve found hundreds of them dating back to our Founding Fathers.  In the beginning, the insults sounded like a group of men who were trapped in the same room for too long.  They have quickly evolved from name-calling to being dangerously irresponsible.   Political insults dished over the past twenty years are particularly violent and hard to read.  Public insults were once, “he’s mean and petty.”  They soon became, “'imperfect enough to work with a former domestic terrorist.”

 The following are insults made my first list of Political Insults: 

~John Adams regarding Alexander Hamilton:  “He’s the bastard brat of a Scotch peddler.  A man devoid of every principle.”

~ Alexander Hamilton regarding John Adams:  “He is petty, mean, egotistic, erratic, eccentric, jealous natured, and hot tempered.”

~ John Quincy Adams regarding Andrew Jackson: “A barbarian who cannot write a sentence of grammar and can hardly spell his own name.”

~ Millard Fillmore regarding James K. Polk:  “May God save the country, for it is evident that the people will not.”

~John Sherman (U.S.  Senator) regarding James Buchanan:  “The Constitution provides for every accidental contingency in the executive ---except a vacancy in the mind of the president.”

~HARPERS MAGAZINE regarding Abraham Lincoln:  “Filthy storyteller, despot, liar, thief, braggart, buffoon, usurper, monster, ignoramus Abe, old scoundrel, perjurer, swindler, tyrant, field-butcher, land-pirate.”

~Ulysses S. Grant regarding Andrew Johnson:  “I have never been so tired of anything before as I have been with the political speeches of Mr. Johnson . . . I look upon them as a national disgrace.  He is such an infernal liar.”

~ William Claflin (Governor of Massachusetts) regarding Ulysses S. Grant: “Early in 1869 the cry was for “no politicians,” but the county did not mean “no brains.”

~ Theodore Roosevelt regarding William Howard Taft: “A flub-dub with a streak of the second rate and the common in him . . . A fathead and a puzzle wit.  Taft meant well, but he meant well feebly.”

~ Dorothy Parking regarding Calvin Coolidge:  (After being told of Coolidge’s death.)  “How could they tell?”

~ General George S. Patton regarding Franklin D. Roosevelt: “Thousands of pictures were taken, and none for the glory of the troops; all for the glory of FDR.”

~ Barry Goldwater regarding John F. Kennedy:  “I sincerely fear for my country if Jack Kennedy should be elected president.  The fellow has absolutely no principles.  Money and gall are all the Kennedys have.”

~ John F. Kennedy regarding Richard M. Nixon:  “He’s a cheap bastard; that’s all there is to it.  He is a filthy, lying son of a bitch, and a very dangerous man.”

~ Lyndon B. Johnson regarding Gerald Ford:  “Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.  He’s a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.”

~ Lester Maddox (Governor of Georgia) regarding Jimmy Carter:   He’s cold, cunning, cruel, and will destroy anyone who stands in his way . . . . He’s a typical politician, the type of person I have always detested in campaigning or in public office.”

~ Bob Dole regarding George Herbert Bush:  “He’s never had to do a day’s work in his life.”

~ H. Ross Perot regarding Bill Clinton:  “Nobody likes to be called a liar, but to be called a liar by Bill Clinton is really a unique experience.”

~Christopher Hitchens (Journalist) regarding George W. Bush:  “Unusually incurious, abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically uncultured, extraordinarily uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things.”

~ Sarah Palin regarding Barack Obama:   "I am just so fearful that this is not a man who sees America the way you and I see America, as the greatest force for good in the world. I'm afraid this is someone who sees America as 'imperfect enough' to work with a former domestic terrorist who had targeted his own country."