Thursday, February 2, 2012

Patrick's Soul Burger

If you live in my house then you’re a note writer.  My son Patrick wrote a note last night, tragically placing it on a lone cheeseburger in the refrigerator.  It read: “PATRICK’S Soul Burger!  DO NOT EAT!”  This burger did not belong to Patrick.   It belonged to me and thus required the swift action of note retaliation.

My Dearest Patrick,

I cannot allow you to protect or covet what is not yours.  It is a thorny path which has destroyed many an individual, business and nation.  It is greedy, self-serving and profits nothing but the yearnings of a 15 year old boys stomach.

This is not a condemnation of your character, for many a great man has attempted to consume burgers which they neither cooked nor earned.  Napoleon Bonaparte was one of these great men as I am certain you will soon learn in your studies.

 Napoleon coveted one burger after another until he found himself facing down the Prussians with a burger in each hand.  He was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo.  Waterloo is the Russian word for “All Beef Patties”.  He soon found himself imprisoned and exiled to the island of St. Helena off the west coast of Africa, where no cattle or the consumption of were allowed.

Patrick, I do not wish such a fate for you.  Therefore, I will remove this deceptive note and devour this burger with full hope that my actions will influence you to become a more self-reliant and successful person.

Please do not attempt such an undertaking in the future.  I am older, hungrier and I will thump your misguided little butt into next week if you touch my double cheeseburger again.


P.S. – I believe the word you were looking for was “sole”, meaning single or alone.  That’s something to think about.  

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