tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37596858633167858152024-03-13T03:05:28.503-07:00BitOfJulesLife is a Lot of Weird Shit.
This is How I Deal with It.
(Humor & Pissed Off Genre) Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-77761701814262719742019-09-04T14:34:00.000-07:002019-09-04T14:34:30.560-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-81060186387927367692018-10-03T09:47:00.000-07:002018-10-03T09:47:08.138-07:00WTF Are You Wearing?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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⚞⚞⚞<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wzTMYJSLSQw/W6_8KeaSaRI/AAAAAAAAGkE/PBriYtl1phQia10Mz_KIFv1z91-0g83SgCLcBGAs/s1600/woman-is-running-on-the-road_55897-6.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" data-original-height="226" data-original-width="338" height="265" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wzTMYJSLSQw/W6_8KeaSaRI/AAAAAAAAGkE/PBriYtl1phQia10Mz_KIFv1z91-0g83SgCLcBGAs/s400/woman-is-running-on-the-road_55897-6.jpg" width="400" /></a>⚟⚟⚟</div>
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Listen up people! No one can see you jogging if you're wearing dark clothes! No one! Look at yourselves. You're wearing black while running on a black surface, in the dark. I saw one man running in full camouflage. I do not believe I will ever see him again.<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span> Is it the orange reflectors? Is that what you think is going to save your ass?</div>
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It's a fact that 90% of people who enjoy an early morning run spend $23.00 on average for reflectors. These reflectors are then stuck, wrapped, or fastened onto clothes usually reserved for funerals. Reflectors are just that, they reflect light. They do not possess superpowers. You need to mix up those deathwish outfits with some white t-shirts, because frankly I'm tired of pulling reflector strips off the bumper of my car.</div>
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Here's the problem. Doing the right thing for your health does not correct my night blindness. I can't see no matter what kind of shape you're in. Honestly, I support your desires to improve your bodies because I have to stand behind them at Starbucks. Yet, when I'm driving the winding roads of a dusky neighborhood, despite your valiant efforts, my vision is still vexed with halos & blurred figures. What appears to you to be three people jogging together, looks like an inflatable yard decoration escaping its moorings to me. Thusly, it is within the realm of possibility that I kindly give it a bump back into the direction of it's home with my Chrysler 300 Heritage edition chrome radiator grille.</div>
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Now don't send emails asking me not to drive in the dark anymore. It's not going to happen. I've been planning this moment since I was 12. My Uncle Doug made me realize a long time ago, I needed to save my dollars if I wanted to be able to drive past the age of 45. </div>
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We were on the backroads of Tennessee headed for a floating trip on the Harpeth River when I noticed a double yellow line meant nothing to this man. He hit a lot more animals than he missed. I believe he reduced the skunk population that day by half and I know he dragged a heavy object for more than 16 miles. The moment I returned home I went to my sock drawer, grabbed all of my babysitting money, and headed for the Old Hickory Credit Union. </div>
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After saving my money & investing in those personal computer companies in the late 80's I have ample financial protection. I plan on driving until I can be cryogenically preserved. There is enough money in my account to afford a town car the size of a Krispy Kreme, an adult booster seat that doubles as a private bar, $37,000 in car insurance, and enough hush money to survive eleven Russia investigations. I have planned this down to the last detail.</div>
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Trust me when I say I'm on your side. I want you to be safe. So when you wake up and start pulling running clothes out of your hamper think to yourself, "If it's White & Light I'll be Alright". White t-shirts are the cheapest shirts you can buy. Grab a handful of reflectors. Slap them on that white t-shirt, accented by a white pair of shorts and you have an outfit that can be spotted from space. No one can accidentally hit you. If someone still crushes you with a Buick, you win anyway. You might be dead, but your all white outfit makes for an indisputable crime scene. Your loved ones will collect on a lawsuit big enough to shame any Kardashian. So before you head out that door this morning ask yourself the safe question, "What the fuck am I wearing?" </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-37525030805592468552017-02-02T07:47:00.000-08:002017-02-02T07:53:02.237-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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REVOLUTION GETS MESSY</span></h2>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-2f431092-ff7c-fcb8-e4d4-941fc358e1b7"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The media’s sensitivities are affected this morning because there was a bonfire and breaking of glass at the University of California, Berkeley. Milo Yiannopoulos was at the school to give yet another speech on white supremacy and many students took exception to it. The media is calling this an act of violence. I call it a revolution. </span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-2f431092-ff7c-fcb8-e4d4-941fc358e1b7"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a group of intelligent, well-educated college students who not only saw their vote thrown in the toilet by an outdated concept created by slave owners, but also watched a foreign government decide their fate. They are being told that nuclear weapons and the use thereof will be “Big League” escalated in the next 4 years. They are being told that their non-violent marches are ridiculous and must stop. They are being heckled and spoken to in a condescending, vicious manner and all the while asked to be good little Americans and keep their mouths shut about their country. They are told to go about their business as their future and their children’s futures are tied down to the tracks to wait on the fascist train. </span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-2f431092-ff7c-fcb8-e4d4-941fc358e1b7"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">America began with violence. There were many peaceful demonstrations, but in the end the only choice was revolution. When a sound mind is approached with an idea of the unthinkable, it has no choice but to react. We were invaded or to quote Keith Olbermann, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> “We were invaded, just because there wasn’t blood on the streets…if the Russians had come in wearing cassocks and put him in, I think we would have had a different reaction to it.”</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is the Resistance. These Americans have the right to fight for their country. This is not the wars our forefathers fought and not one they could even imagine. But in the end I believe they would prefer a few chairs thrown through a window to a Nuclear Winter that will destroy the world. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-75733242490518611532016-04-04T09:24:00.001-07:002016-04-04T09:24:12.327-07:00Follow the Money: How Bernie Sanders' Campaign is One Giant Con on the American People<a href="http://www.thepeoplesview.net/main/2016/3/22/bernie-sanders-campaign-conjob-follow-the-money#.VwKVImhuH2g.blogger">Follow the Money: How Bernie Sanders' Campaign is One Giant Con on the American People</a>: Bernie Sanders has pulled off what may be one of the greatest con jobs on <br />
millions of Americans without having to have his past exposed or examined. <br />
Let's pull back that veil.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-1982701824987251272015-12-12T14:58:00.000-08:002015-12-12T14:58:34.496-08:00Maya Angelou Leads Women<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-61189228117276542842015-12-02T08:12:00.000-08:002015-12-02T13:00:57.847-08:00Porch Pirates?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The media has seriously botched the naming of a new type of thief calling them Porch Pirates. America's ears are burning at the sound. Good, hard working people across this country are having their holidays swiped off their porches by a lazy bunch of leaches who lay in wait for UPS to leave expensive gifts on the porch. This is hideous enough, but to refer to them as pirates is a slap in the face and a cuff upside the head. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">First of all pirates knew how to navigate a ship, use a sword, fire a pistol, board a burning vessel, and save the bounty they so carefully stole from others. Pirates had skills! Blackbeard alone had a portfolio worth an estimated 12.5 million dollars. These so called "Porch Pirates" have not earned the honor of being called a Pirate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I-Team News 4 released a video this morning of some looser grabbing a brown box off someone's porch and running off with it. That in no way constitutes a powerful, mystic character like Black Bart. That was a meth addict named Duane jumping out of a two-toned Honda and snatching Grandma's Kitty Cow footie pajama's she was giving to her angel baby for Christmas. His portfolio consists of three teeth and a half drunken bottle of Mountain Dew.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">If the media wants to do America a favor then come up with a name much less romantic like "Porch Pedophiles". The name needs to be one which properly describes the kind of parasite that steals the joy from Maw-Maw's face at Christmas. It needs to be one that strips these pathetic creatures of any trace of dignity and "Porch Pedophiles" is just the name to do it.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-48471223358543962962013-11-21T07:57:00.000-08:002013-11-21T07:57:17.193-08:00How To Guide For Christmas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">5 Rules To A Wonderful Christmas</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><b>Rule #1</b></i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Save a Buck: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hold off on that IPhone 5. It will break you financially in 2 years with it’s “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unlimited Media Package</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”. Instead of an extravagant gift for your child consider a more traditional idea. Have little Ralphie watch “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s A Wonderful Life</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">” no less than 3 times. Reality checks are the perfect gift for a ten year old. He needs to know that no matter how bright and promising his future appears, he could easily find himself hugging a frozen rail in the middle of a bridge on the outskirts of town. His one hope would come from a defective angel who’s only claim to fame is that the good Lord himself is one day away from kicking out of heaven. And even with the best turn of events he will end up depending on the charity of others to survive. If that doesn’t make him appreciate the roof over his head and the automatic stapler under the tree, I don’t know what will.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><b>Rule #2</b></i> - </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Scoochie</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: When you say “excuse me” during the holidays, you need to mean it. Shouting it in a screeching voice as though you’ve been </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-D0iNtHvHw2I/Uo4frGoC--I/AAAAAAAABoQ/t5ytlmPlL34/s1600/black-friday-crowd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-D0iNtHvHw2I/Uo4frGoC--I/AAAAAAAABoQ/t5ytlmPlL34/s320/black-friday-crowd.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">waiting for several days and are starting to mold, is a threat not a courtesy. In all likelihood the individual you are assaulting is already aware of your presence and the presence of the other 362 men and women behind you, all vying for the same cut throat Commando kill game little Sammy Lou Who can’t do without while celebrating his saviors birth.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>Rule #3</i></b> - </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Tree: </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Never use the term “Holiday Tree”. It’s asinine </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and it pisses Santa off. “Holiday Tree” is a term created because someone decided we were offending people of other faiths with our large green trees. I assure you they do not care. Most people of Jewish faith have money and an education. My wonderful neighbors of 15 years, Maury and Isabelle Cohen, have never expressed an interested in paying $150.00 every year for a sticky tree to sit in the middle of their living room. Nor are they captivated by the concept of sitting in the lap of a heavy set guy in a red velvet suit. Therefore, I feel confident in telling you that a Christmas Tree may keep its name without fears of social outrage.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>Rule #4 </i></b>- </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One Dollar Cocktails: </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charity should be the backbone of the Christmas season, however some think it’s a great time to take a stand against the one dollar cocktails. Don’t be the person who refuses to give the homeless guy a dollar because you are afraid he will spend it on liquor. After all it did take 2 cashiers at McDougal’s Warehouse Liquors to load those crates of holiday wine into the back of your SUV. Remember this man sleeps in a giant box he dragged out from behind Walmart. He uses the river as a toilet and then is forced to bathe in the same water. I’m no soothsayer but Id be willing to bet that this man’s health will not be compromised by any cocktail your one dollar might get him.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UZs-aWKpqgw/Uo4rOucjwdI/AAAAAAAABpA/z8Uh6J8pfd0/s1600/angry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UZs-aWKpqgw/Uo4rOucjwdI/AAAAAAAABpA/z8Uh6J8pfd0/s200/angry.jpg" width="126" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>Rule #5 -</i></b> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hands On Parenting: </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you are running around the mall this year with children in tow and you decide, “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just can’t deal with these kids anymore</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”, do it anyway. If you have to yell “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">calm down</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">” more than 48 times then you are doing it wrong. Stop doing it wrong. Stop yelling. Just bend down to ear level with your child and quietly explain, “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’re adopted and I don’t like you anymore</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.” </span><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">None of us who are incidentally in the same building with you should be subjected to the screaming. As my mother use to tell us, “If you yell, you had better be bleeding.” It’s simple, yet effective. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><b>Lets review:</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">- Don’t try to buy off your loved ones. Use an old movie with a misguided notion that all rich people are mean to get the fiscal results you want. This cuts your bills in half.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">- Don’t push other members of your fellow man. Remember almost half of us are heavily armed and have Daddy issues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">- The third item we discussed was that there is no such thing as a holiday tree. This was the brainchild of a group of liberals who were concerned about how different religions perceived the Christian’s use of foliage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">- Next we were all going to stop judging the homeless and start funding them with enough dollars to knock back a couple on Jesus birthday.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally, lets all be hands-on parents this year. After all, when it comes to small children anyone can buy a leash, but not everyone knows how to tie it to the front porch.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-54850115710624282102013-08-11T07:19:00.000-07:002013-08-11T07:19:21.984-07:00Apology Note From Burglers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"and so shines a good deed in a weary world."</td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-91687501112728015062013-08-10T05:58:00.000-07:002013-08-10T06:01:24.558-07:00Why America is Not the Greatest Country<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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What all Americans should know.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-77424293802939750922013-01-19T06:23:00.000-08:002013-01-19T06:23:22.874-08:00WORST PUNISHMENT FOR LANCE ARMSTRONG<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-51529953208811106462013-01-15T14:16:00.000-08:002013-01-15T14:16:21.362-08:00Seven Reasons Oprah Should Interview Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. </b> Given the same moral
guidelines as Lance Armstrong I too could have won the Tour de France 7 times
and happily given an interview down the street from my 8000 square foot mansion
admitting to this wrong doing . . . after being painted into a corner of no
retreat by 12 witnesses, 38 failed drug tests, and a dozen text messages
warning me of drug testers at my remote hotel in Spain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">2.</span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> Secondly, but by no means less important than an
international fraud, I can sob uncontrollably upon demand. I am in
my second year of menopause, therefore with little effort I can cry like a cat
caught in the clothes dryer one minute and jump on the couch like a meth
addicted hillbilly the next. I guarantee a mesmerized audience and
can be paid off with a bag of Snickers bars.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">3.</span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> I plan on running for President of the United States
because God told me too. I am not a soccer Mom or the winner of a
beauty contest. I am however, often the subject of small town gossip
which on the surface may appear boring but throw in a few words like “witch” or
“snake handling” and you got yourself a crowd pleaser.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">4. </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> I have a serious drug problem. There is no way for
me to get through the day without a handful of ibuprofen and five Icy Hot
patches. I've been strung out on I-Cool for the past two years
and to the shame of friends and family used Preparation H for purposes not
outlined on the box.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">5. </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> I am the leader of the vigil anti group SST. This
grassroots society is dedicated to the elimination of idiotic words and phrases
being used in the media, hence the name Stop Saying That. Lines such
as, “Let me be clear,” are symbolically burned at each meeting. We
as human beings with real ears expect people to be clear without stating
it. If they cannot be clear then it would be best to say nothing at
all. Our mantra and core belief is, “People do kill people, but they
can do it faster with a gun.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">6. </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> There is clear evidence after 5 weeks of calculations that
the amount of fat I have lost over the past twenty years well exceeds the
holding limit of a red wagon. After weighing all lifestyle factors
including twenty Thanksgivings, 352 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, 58 jars
of Hellman’s, 36 cases of Slim Fast, power walking that covered six of the
seven states seen from Lookout Mountain, a bucket of laxatives, and more than
852 reruns of the Gilmore Girls watched from the sweaty seat of a Schwinn 240
Recumbent Exercise Bike, I have lost enough fat to fill a 1975 Volkswagen
Bus/Vanagon Transporter. Anything less than a standing ovation is
unacceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;">7. </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; line-height: 115%;"> According to medical experts at the Elm Hill Pike Walk-In
Clinic, I have the first diagnosed case of Facedephobia, the fear of
Facebook. I have written a book about horrific incidents that
occurred less than 12 hours after becoming a member of Facebook. Good
people I once thought of as family began posting unflattering pictures of
me. Emails instructing me to, “comment; see comment, follow comment .
. . look who else commented,” plagued my every move. Nagging
reminders of people’s birthdays and anniversaries began to funnel in. Businesses
refused me discounts unless I liked them on Facebook. Soon the panic
attacks started as phone calls filtered in several times a day with friends
wanting to know why I had not FaceBooked them. My book, “How
Facebook Tried to Eat Me” is a wonderful edition to Oprah’s Book Club and a
perfect opportunity to offer free Prozac prescriptions to audience
members. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-12768944453873095712013-01-11T11:51:00.002-08:002013-01-11T11:52:39.240-08:00Who Elected The NRA?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qwpOhp8hoO4/UPBn45CvexI/AAAAAAAABg4/RMaK7H6RxMI/s1600/THomas+Jefferson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qwpOhp8hoO4/UPBn45CvexI/AAAAAAAABg4/RMaK7H6RxMI/s400/THomas+Jefferson.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="line-height: 115%; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When
did the NRA become a group of elected officials? Why are they deciding matters of Home
Security? Didn't "We The People" elect men and women to make these decisions? </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have
American’s decided that the NRA is too powerful for America to fight? I pray that’s not true. I pray that we are not all waiting for the NRA to hand down their rulings after each mass killing with an assault
weapon</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%; text-align: left;">.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I live in the South. I have friends and family who own guns. I have owned guns. I learned how to shoot a handgun & I
rifle when I was ten. I would defend any
American’s right to own a gun. But the
second amendment to the Constitution is not what the NRA is about. The NRA is a lobbyist group for a multi-billion
dollar gun industry. They are supporting
the selling of military weapons, not just the shotgun my Grandfather kept
by the door. They are responsible for
allowing weapons meant for military combat to spill into civilian society with
no restrictions. The NRA is pointing a
finger at those who would dare oppose them and saying you are not our idea of
an American if you object to any weapon sold in your neighborhood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Guess what? I’ll take that chance. I’ll take the chance Thomas Jefferson and our
Founding Fathers had no idea that a weapon like the Bushmaster could be
designed. I’ll also take the chance of
being called un- American if that means one less child will die because our
government outlawed deadly assault weapons.
If it means our schools are safer I will be called un- American. If it means my child will not grow up in a
military state where every teacher carries a gun, I will be called un- American.
If it means that the people of America
are being ruled by the men and women they voted into office, instead of one
group looking after the financial interests of an industry, I am willing to be
called un-American.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here’s a news flash; our Constitution
had more than one amendment. Our Founding
Fathers were brilliant men who made the Constitution a living and breathing
document. It was to be amended through
time as new circumstances presented themselves.
I can say it no better than Thomas Jefferson who stated, “<i>Some men look at
constitutions with sanctimonious reverence, and deem them like the arc of the
covenant, too sacred to be touched; who ascribe to the men of the preceding age
as wisdom more than human, and suppose what they did to be beyond amendment.
Let us follow no such examples, nor weakly believe that one generation is not
as capable as another of taking care of itself, and of ordering its own
affairs. Each generation is as independent as the one preceding, as that was of
all which had gone before.</i>” In other words,
do not allow the dead to rule the living.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It is time for America to stop
fearing groups like the NRA. We should
start living as our Forefathers would have wanted us to live, with audacity of
courage to enforce the will of the people. Rather than waiting for the response of any
group we must insist that our government be ruled by the consciences of those
we have elected. If any of those elected
officials are afraid or lack what is the essence of a true American then let
him or her leave office quickly. We have
much to do to keep our world safe and no time for those with weak stomachs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-42920249364370632002012-06-09T09:32:00.001-07:002012-06-09T10:00:01.344-07:00Why Mice Fail<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-22373817014944756712012-02-07T10:41:00.000-08:002012-02-07T16:29:38.869-08:00America Is Pissing Off The Bartender<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J6UZ28qZZp4/TzFtwSRqlhI/AAAAAAAAApY/673f3XKkllA/s1600/bartender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J6UZ28qZZp4/TzFtwSRqlhI/AAAAAAAAApY/673f3XKkllA/s640/bartender.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">A rich man in America is one who owns his mind. True wealth comes from a man who possesses accurate thinking while standing in a swamp of the Limbaugh’s, O’Reilly’s, O’Donnell’s, and Sharpton’s. He is a man who is able to climb out of the slimy green with an honest understanding of any issue. Rhetoric and dishonesty is the meat of the common man when economic survival is on the line. No hungry dog would turn away from a chicken bone just because it was given to the cat. We tune into what we want to hear; what we believe to be in our own best interests.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">I am blessed with two amazing children who enjoy two polar opposite political attitudes. My daughter will be disgusted with me because I did not begin this article with, “A rich <i><u>person</u></i> in America”. My son will be concerned with the amount of time and money that went into writing this article, and the effects it might have on his future plans for dinner. Can you pick which one is Liberal and which is the staunch Conservative?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">Today I woke up to my usual cup of coffee while soaking up the opinions of Democrats and Republicans on Morning Joe. The topic was about the Catholic Church and its opposition to the mandate in our new healthcare law which demands that all health insurance providers offer coverage for prescribed birth control. I. E., the American government is imposing its rules upon the rules and values of a church. I was quickly informed by the Liberals that I did not understand correctly. As it was expressed in written form in the latest edition of The Huffington Post, “<i>It is not about government controls, and it is not about infringement of our religious beliefs. It is about a church that has lost touch with reality</i>.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">I love those two lines. It saves the American people the trouble of thinking for themselves. The fact is that the United States Government is indeed telling the Catholic Church to provide coverage for birth control which the Church is opposed to on moral grounds. That fact denotes “Government Control” quickly followed by “Infringement of Religious Beliefs”. That is a big door I do not want to open. Both parties need to know that once the government has the keys to the front door of the church, they can throw any party they want to when you’re out of town. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">The Clint Eastwood commercial was also heading the news. Unbeknownst to most Liberals and Conservatives alike, this was a campaign ad for Obama. I admit I had to go back and watch the commercial again because that went way over my head. It was even greater the second time around. Clint Eastwood was inspiring the workforce of America and it was AWESOME! Carl Rove assures me however, that this commercial was paid for by the Obama campaign due to the bailout given to Chrysler. This would carry a lot more weight if it had not been for the Bush administration also contributing 4 billion dollars to the bailout long before the Obama administration came along. Why did they bail out Chrysler? It was in the best interests of America! Once in a while politicians put down their pious dogma, look around, and realize it’s time to do what is best for America. That is what President Bush and President Obama did.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"> Mr. Rove is clearly off his game. A Chrysler commercial with Clint Eastwood as a spokesperson does not in any way have the feel of political favoritism. Make no mistake about it though; Carl Rove is one of the best Spinmeisters to ever play the game of politics, but he missed the board, the wall, and pissed off the bartender on this one.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">Let’s not piss-off the bartender people. America cannot win if we spend all of our drinking time demonizing the other party. Let us listen, ask questions; know both sides of an argument and come to our own conclusions. Our diverse experiences and opinions from all walks of life is what fuel’s the success of this great nation. These “Crazy Liberals” and “Psycho Conservatives” are not our enemies. They are our friends, neighbors, and family. They are my son and daughter. Let us listen as well as speak, so that we may take the best parts of every plan and put America back together. Teamwork is the solution or as my Great, great, great, great, great + 25 more greats, grandfather once said, “</span><i><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all.</span></i><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;">” ~Alexander the Great<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
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</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-67330699558438070332012-02-05T06:34:00.000-08:002012-02-05T06:34:18.825-08:00HANK AARON BATTING PRACTICE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>LOOK BARRY NO STEROIDS! </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>TA-DA!</b></span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANK!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">WE LOVE YOU!</span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-17178134887020838322012-02-02T08:55:00.000-08:002012-02-02T09:04:47.169-08:00Patrick's Soul Burger<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BGwKXaGujQM/Tyq9ihQpEQI/AAAAAAAAApQ/OEmnhZr1ciw/s1600/HPIM1415-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BGwKXaGujQM/Tyq9ihQpEQI/AAAAAAAAApQ/OEmnhZr1ciw/s400/HPIM1415-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;">If you live in my house then you’re a note writer. My son Patrick wrote a note last night, tragically placing it on a lone cheeseburger in the refrigerator. It read: “PATRICK’S Soul Burger! DO NOT EAT!” This burger did not belong to Patrick. It belonged to me and thus required the swift action of note retaliation. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">My Dearest Patrick,<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I cannot allow you to protect or covet what is not yours. It is a thorny path which has destroyed many an individual, business and nation. It is greedy, self-serving and profits nothing but the yearnings of a 15 year old boys stomach.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">This is not a condemnation of your character, for many a great man has attempted to consume burgers which they neither cooked nor earned. Napoleon Bonaparte was one of these great men as I am certain you will soon learn in your studies. <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"> Napoleon coveted one burger after another until he found himself facing down the Prussians with a burger in each hand. He was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo. Waterloo is the Russian word for “All Beef Patties”. He soon found himself imprisoned and exiled to the island of St. Helena off the west coast of Africa, where no cattle or the consumption of were allowed.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Patrick, I do not wish such a fate for you. Therefore, I will remove this deceptive note and devour this burger with full hope that my actions will influence you to become a more self-reliant and successful person.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Please do not attempt such an undertaking in the future. I am older, hungrier and I will thump your misguided little butt into next week if you touch my double cheeseburger again. <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Mommy<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; line-height: 200%;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">P.S. – I believe the word you were looking for was “sole”, meaning single or alone. That’s something to think about. </span></b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-86165071204663522902012-01-31T17:01:00.000-08:002012-01-31T17:01:10.274-08:00Social Security Canceled<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7LyN2iAt_bc/TyiJ-OVM8vI/AAAAAAAAApA/31u8dMxaqVY/s1600/SocSecBrokeCard0309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7LyN2iAt_bc/TyiJ-OVM8vI/AAAAAAAAApA/31u8dMxaqVY/s400/SocSecBrokeCard0309.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Grandma,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;">The United States Government regrets to inform you that your Social Security is canceled. In short, the money you gave us for your retirement has been spent. We understand this will be of considerable discomfort to you. It is an unfair set of circumstance. However, it is like you have always said, “Life isn’t fair.” We are bound by duty on this day to let you know how right you were.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;">It is not without serious consideration that we take this action. Due to a breach in economic security we are forced to discontinue the entitlements of all citizens over the age of 55 who have blindly placed their futures in the hands of an over- burdened, underfunded, bureaucracy. The following is a sample list of expenses which have forced the United States Government to withdraw your Social Security:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="line-height: 150%;">* 90 Million Dollars for Pakistani Mango Farming: </span></b><span style="line-height: 150%;"> Through this program the U. S. Agency of International Development has been able to insure hiring and sales among Pakistani businesses. As you are aware mangos are loaded with potassium and therefore beneficial in maintaining the health and wellbeing of international terrorists living in Pakistan until the U. S. Government is able to kill them more dramatically.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="line-height: 150%;">* 600 Million Dollars Paid in Retirement and Disability Benefits to Federal Employees Who Have Died: </span></b><span style="line-height: 150%;"> We accept total responsibility for this error. However, the amount continues to grow as the number of dead people filing for benefits increase each year for no apparent reason. Not to worry though. Brain activity will be a requirement for any future fulfillment of benefits.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="line-height: 150%;">* 20 Million Dollars Issued For Pakistani Sesame Street:</span></b><span style="line-height: 150%;"> The Rafi Peer Theatre Workshop, a Pakistani arts organization, was awarded $20 million for the production of a Pakistani Sesame Street Series. The cast of puppets will be made up of new characters such as Baaji, a spirited young lad who chooses not to shoot at Americans. He will be seen in a tea cart instead of a rusted out Honda Civic loaded down with twenty pounds of TNT. This program will insure the safety of our men in uniform.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;">We do provide a complete list of expenses on our website U-MoneyGone.gov. Again, we apologize for any inconvenience and hope you will continue to pay your taxes as required by law. Thank you for participating in a social program brought to you by The United States of America.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
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</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-39895839050689449732011-11-07T05:47:00.000-08:002011-11-07T05:47:19.852-08:00How Did Our Founding Fathers Die?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LFVG01haa24/TbbfvJC0b4I/AAAAAAAAAhQ/p1GIQOv19Xk/s1600/America%2527sFoundingFathersImage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" i8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LFVG01haa24/TbbfvJC0b4I/AAAAAAAAAhQ/p1GIQOv19Xk/s400/America%2527sFoundingFathersImage.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px;"> </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Curious to know about the last days of each American Founding Father, I went on a three day search. What I discovered was unpleasant and sometimes unimaginable. Often the maladies people suffered from in the Eighteenth Century were not as painful as the cures. This I expected to find. In a few instances the death of a Founding Father was treated with indifference and even disrespect. This I did not anticipate, but I will name names of the villains involved.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px;"> </span></span></span></span></strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Thomas Jefferson</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was stricken with Prostate Cancer in the later years of his life. A danger which developed as a result of the cancer was the inability to urinate. Dr.</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">Robley Dunglison discovered Jefferson had prostatic hypertrophy. This was obstructing the flow of urine. To treat his patient, Dunglison used flexible cylinders made of elastic gum which were pushed through the urethra and past the obstruction. (I will pause here to allow men reading this to grimace with pain.) Jefferson found immediate relief after this technique was used. Unfortunately, this was a period in history when no one thought to ask, “Are those things clean?” As a result bacteria traveled all over Jefferson’s lower extremities and set up a tent in his kidneys.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"> His last days were plagued with health problems including, kidney, nephropathy, uremia, diarrhea, and pneumonia. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>George Washington</strong> was said to have died from pneumonia at the age of 67. If the witch doctors caring for him had said, “Let’s just let him rest,” he might have lived another twenty years. As it was however, they killed him by draining nearly a half- gallon of blood from his ailing body. This was referred to as “<i>bloodletting”</i> which historians feel possibly contributed to Washington’s death. I am not a historian, but feel certain that in modern times these pricey doctors couldn’t get a job euthanizing cats in Istanbul. So I am confident in saying the doctors attending Washington did kill the 1<sup>st</sup> President of the United States.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Johns Adams</strong> died the same day as Thomas Jefferson (July 4, 1826). It was exactly 50 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. At the age of 90 John Adams died from Congestive Heart Failure. This was not only a sad day for Americans, but also for the doctors who were attending him as they were unable to torture Adams in the same manner as the rest of our founding fathers.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Samuel Adams</strong> died on Oct. 2, 1803 at the age of 81. Now, why he died is a mystery. There is no record of the cause of death and no one offers any plausible explanation. Was he sick at his tummy? Was there a stabbing pain in his head? Did someone whack him with a poker? He had a severe tremor, but that won’t kill you unless someone shoots you while you’re doing it. Accounts of Adam’s death is that he died from natural causes, which means it’s not important enough to find out why an elderly person died even if he did lead the revolution that established a new free world country called America! Nice people, real nice. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Benjamin Franklin</strong> did not die from Syphilis, so get your heads out of the gutter. Many misinformed American’s think Franklin died from an S.T.D. News Flash: It was not a roll in the hay that brought down this great man. He actually died from Empyema. Empyema is an infection between the lungs and the chest wall. It was excruciatingly painful. After coughing up a sizable amount of pus from his lungs Franklin went quietly in his sleep. Please feel free to pass on this information when in the presence of someone who is demoralizing the character of this remarkable man in exchange for a cheap laugh.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Thomas Paine</strong> died in Greenwich Village in New York City at the age of 72. The exact reason for his death is not listed, but was no doubt the result of years of alcoholism. Paine died in poverty. He was refused proper burial by American churches and the British Government. This is unbelievable! A founding father dies in New York City, the biggest city in America, and no one can find a shovel to dig a hole. Not a shining moment in New York City’s history, is it?</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>John Hancock</strong> died in Boston, Massachusetts on October 8, 1793. He died at the age of 56 from a long battle with Gout. Samuel Adams, acting as Governor of Massachusetts at the time, declared the day of John Hancock’s funeral to be a state holiday. I’ll just leave it at that because I can’t think of a worse way to die.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Alexander Hamilton</strong> had one of the most famous deaths of our Founding Fathers. On July 11, 1804, a gentleman’s duel with Aaron Burr ended Alexander Hamilton’s life. Hamilton was mortally wounded by a bullet to the abdomen. His liver, diaphragm, and spinal cord were badly damaged. Hamilton bled to death at his home. Though Hamilton lived in New York the duel took place in New Jersey, because it was it was illegal to duel in New York and they weren’t very reliable when it comes to burying founding fathers.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><strong>John Jay</strong> (First American Chief Justice)</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">was stricken with</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"> palsy. It was thought to be </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">caused by a stroke he suffered in 1825. He lived for three days, dying in Bedford, New York, on May 17, 1829. Jay requested he be buried in Rye, New York. This was a man who had carefully thought through his final resting place. </span></span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">In 1807, he had the remains of his ancestors transferred from the family vault in the Bowery in Manhattan to Rye, establishing a private cemetery. Today, the Jay Cemetery is an integral part of the Boston Post Road Historic District, adjacent to the historic Jay Property. The Cemetery is maintained by the Jay descendants and closed to the public. It is the oldest active cemetery associated with a figure from the American Revolution. John Jay</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"> was 83 when he died, and one of the last hero’s of the American Revolution.</span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>James Monroe</strong> died exactly 5 years after Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, on July 4th 1831 in New York City while visiting his daughter. He was helping a family member move and suffered a fatal heart attack. Let that be a lesson to us all. Monroe survived Malaria, a severe gun shot wound at the Battle of Trenton, and the ravages of Tuberculosis, but he could not survive moving furniture.</span></span></span></span></div><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Patrick Henry</strong> who claimed, “Give me liberty or give me death,” died on June 6, 1799 from an overdose of mercury medicine. He was suffering from stomach cancer, and could no longer bare the pain. He died on his plantation in Red Hill, Virginia at the age of 63. He died as he had lived, on his own terms. Thankfully Virginia buries their American heroes without complaining.</span></span></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-14065408731531641092011-09-29T09:04:00.000-07:002011-09-29T09:04:18.251-07:00YouTube Videos You Can Use!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0G6JzviXNxg/ToSDieUwswI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/JSXZtN8Uo-I/s1600/youtube.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0G6JzviXNxg/ToSDieUwswI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/JSXZtN8Uo-I/s200/youtube.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How many people reading this have gone to YouTube today to watch a dog, a monkey or a fat kid sing Happy Birthday? Don’t lie. I had heart palpations for twenty minutes, but refused to take my medicine until the baby orangutan sang to me three times. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">YouTube is loaded with nonsense.<span> </span>Nothing is better than sitting down with a box of Cheez-its and watching “Charlie Bit My Finger” over and over again.<span> </span>However, there are some videos that are not only beneficial, but could save your life.<span> </span>Maybe you can use your YouTube minutes today to learn something new.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here are some of the truly best videos on YouTube:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Learn CPR in 3 Minutes!</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/O9T25SMyz3A?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Your Kids Need to See This!</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/oKHQJc5mG8Y?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>God's Answer To a Healthy Life in 2 Minutes:</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/uRJ71HLcKmI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Cheap Way to Whiten Teeth!</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Why You Need To Take Vitamins:</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/JKU0MkqNAN0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Reduce Belly Fat in 1 Week!</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/Ms3aqY_0G98/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ms3aqY_0G98&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ms3aqY_0G98&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Improve Your Chances To Win The Lottery!</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> <iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/WQ-eTyqU8oQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>A Great Way To Start The Day!</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/8j_Vj779yqE/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8j_Vj779yqE&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8j_Vj779yqE&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-38371487452354693182011-09-02T08:31:00.000-07:002011-09-02T08:31:21.647-07:00Verizon Needs An Enema<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9fxaJ9xT8ck/TmD2gP3cxTI/AAAAAAAAAnE/eDKjrV2SkLU/s1600/rectal.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9fxaJ9xT8ck/TmD2gP3cxTI/AAAAAAAAAnE/eDKjrV2SkLU/s320/rectal.jpeg" width="235" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Four weeks have passed and no rebate from Verizon has arrived. Their sense of humor is that of a Vladimir Putin when being questioned by a human rights organization. They are cold, superior, self governing, and still billing the people for something they never received. Possibly another nudge from this consumer will push my fifty dollars into that stubborn envelope.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">On my last post I imparted to the most brilliant readers of the twenty-first century, that Verizon could not accept a photo copy of my phone's proof of purchase along with receipts from both the Verizon Store Manager and myself, but rather needed the box. I would like to suggest that if the box holds such importance that possibly they could have kept it in the first place. However, Verizon like so many other major companies, assumes that customers will continue to buy the old adage, "The business of rebates is too complicated for a customer to understand." Wrong, wrong and wrong. It is a "recession wrong" that's been bedazzled by nasty banks and a crooked government.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">After sending in the box top over a month ago and appealing to my readers, here I sit, no rebate, no apology. I am so apology-less I've got gangrene on my understanding ear. I am so rebate-less I have carpal tunnel in my eyelids from checking the mailbox 2783 times. Then it came to me. I realized that Verizon did not need a box top confirming that I did indeed possess the phone they have been charging me for, for over two months. No, the proof of purchase was not the problem at all. The mighty Verizon Corporation has been eating pricey meat and cheese for ten years and are long overdue for a customer driven enema. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My angry letter to Verizon several weeks ago, did not inspire even a glance at the lav-oratory. The billboards I shelled out thousands of dollars for in Nashville, publicly condemning Verizon for frolicking in the fires of Hell with the Whore of Babylon, did not budge them from their bottom heavy seats. I spent $327.00 and four days passing out bumper stickers that read, "My Family Went to Verizon & All I Got Was This %#&*# Bill!" They did not wiggle even one obstructed pie hole.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This tells me that someone is in dire need of a H2O hosing from down under. Someone needs a service driven apparatus shoved so far up their clogged rebate department that the relief will be felt 17,000 feet above sea level on the peaks of La Rinconada. The liberation of the $50 dollar rebates will leave men and women weeping at the sight of their Verizon phone bill, if they're not already.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Please, Verizon victims of the world, join me in my appeal for a Verizon enema. Go to <a href="http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/contact/index.jsp">http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/contact/index.jsp</a> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">or write: </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Verizon Wireless</b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Customer Service Department<br />
Post Office Box 105378</b></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 15px;">Atlanta, GA 30348</span> </span></b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Tell them to give Jules her $50 rebate or bend over. Thank you to all my readers for your patience, loyalty, and talent for taking nothing seriously. </span> (By the way, I'm sitting in a StarBucks right now in a wealthy part of Nashville next to two women discussing the Swan Ball. I really think I should get their opinion on this. Oh, and word to the wise; never google images of "enema" in a public place.)<b></b><br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-11541069982586243582011-07-25T18:29:00.000-07:002011-07-26T05:28:25.279-07:00Dear Verizon<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mzY2BvpunaY/Ti4XtC6jsMI/AAAAAAAAAm8/I3jBhUR5m-A/s1600/empty-purse1.thumbnail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mzY2BvpunaY/Ti4XtC6jsMI/AAAAAAAAAm8/I3jBhUR5m-A/s200/empty-purse1.thumbnail.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Dear Verizon,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Your practices are despicable, but here is the second proof of purchase seal you inquired about after 21 days. The copy of the proof of purchase, along with the receipt, paperwork, and online submission by the sales rep. must have confused you. Aren’t you the lucky company getting to keep my fifty dollars and the fifty dollars of thousands of other customers for another three weeks? I can only pray that you use the money wisely for that time period as it will one day cost you your very soul, God willing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">If this letter is too small to read, or results in confusion that will cause another month of delays, please feel free to visit my blog at BitofJules.blogspot.com. Here I will be posting an obnoxiously large copy of this transgression for the entire world to see and comment on. Hopefully they will be as resentful as I am that we as a people are continually being nickeled and dimed by large companies who have the conscience of a crack dealer marketing under-aged prostitutes on the side. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I hope this note was helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Yours Truly,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Cheesed off Mom</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">P.S. ~ I am certain I just cost myself the $50.00, but it was worth every penny.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-19503706194330433902011-07-20T09:20:00.000-07:002011-07-20T09:34:45.695-07:00Funny Bloopers From TV's "Dallas"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sIxG0CUxIlI/TicDjl0dX3I/AAAAAAAAAm0/K9vt7TvUFIU/s1600/Dallas-tv-.jpg.728x520_q85.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sIxG0CUxIlI/TicDjl0dX3I/AAAAAAAAAm0/K9vt7TvUFIU/s200/Dallas-tv-.jpg.728x520_q85.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dallas was one of the best television series of all time! People loved it. "Who Shot JR," was the mantra of the country. Friday nights were set aside for the Ewings. Lucky for us the actors who made up the show also has a great sense of humor. It made these outtakes a show in their own right. Enjoy! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/1k5Q8-ukMZE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-404042792661092602011-07-20T07:17:00.000-07:002011-07-20T09:30:36.278-07:00Save Big Money! Cheap Ink Cartridge Refills!<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H0g2VhAJ79E/TicCghFISEI/AAAAAAAAAmw/n5kL9qLkmPQ/s1600/ink.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H0g2VhAJ79E/TicCghFISEI/AAAAAAAAAmw/n5kL9qLkmPQ/s200/ink.gif" width="200" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">iPrint just made a friend for life. I’ve been searching for a way to buy printer cartridges for three computers and still put meat on the table. Yesterday I was a Big Lots Store trying to find an out of season humidifier when I came across an i*PrinT inkjet cartridge refill kit. It was $10.00 for 8 refills! That saves me $130.00 on the least expensive printer in the house. There isn’t a better deal out there.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have used Cartridge World for the past couple of times, but that was $20.00 a pop. As a result of Cartridge World, many of the refill kits have disappeared from the market. This is the first time in a long time I have seen any kind of refill kit. Nevertheless, I can go to Amazon and buy them for $14.99. It’s more expensive, but well worth it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Anyone can refill a cartridge. It comes with more equipment and instructions than I needed, so it looked more complicated than it turned out to be. I still had my Cartridge World cartridges, and those are not listed on the instructions. Here’s what you do.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*Avoid touching the electronic contacts as usual.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*Carefully remove the label.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> *</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Keep label in a condition that will allow it to be placed back on the cartridge.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*Put your syringe together.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*Fill syringe with ink.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font-size: x-large; font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> *</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Inject ink in indented hole.</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">(Don’t push syringe into cartridge too far.)</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*</span></span></span>Clean any ink drippings with alcohol soaked</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> tissue.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*Put label back on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">*You’re done!</span></div><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-60366030455115868172011-07-18T09:25:00.000-07:002011-07-18T09:25:00.768-07:00Great Quotes For a Good Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9E-Yx4tDx_8/TiRc5gbJxTI/AAAAAAAAAms/ZcbBOKLBksk/s1600/morning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9E-Yx4tDx_8/TiRc5gbJxTI/AAAAAAAAAms/ZcbBOKLBksk/s400/morning.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b>Inspiring words are the best breakfast. These are a good dose of truth and hope which have grown great people all over the world. Oh, except for the last quote which is just funny as hell. </b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"What The Caterpillar Calls The End of the World, The Master Calls A Butterfly."</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~Richard Bach</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.”</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~Napoleon Hill</span></div><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Any Fool Can Criticize, Condemn and Complain--and Most Do." </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> ~ Dale Carnegie<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Life's Battles Don't Always Go To The Stronger or Faster Man, But Sooner or Later The Man Who Wins Is The Man Who Think's He Can!"</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~ While many men have take credit for these words it is actually from a poem entitled "If You Think You Are Beaten" written by Walter D. Wintle. I know this poem by heart.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend."</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">~ Abraham Lincoln</span></span></div><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness." </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> ~Dale Carnegie</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> ~ Swedish Proverb</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> "You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~Winston Churchill </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">“The only real failure in life is the failure to try." </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> ~<span style="color: #232323; font-family: Georgia, serif;"> </span>Sven Goran Eriksson</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #073763; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My daughters favorite & I had to agree:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”</span><o:p></o:p></div><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3759685863316785815.post-1742353911021101492011-07-15T08:32:00.000-07:002011-07-15T08:42:38.751-07:00Facebook & The Chocolate Cat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P7AIiILGfTc/TiBbWCqes0I/AAAAAAAAAmY/YeTY2hiTYt8/s1600/wet_cat-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P7AIiILGfTc/TiBbWCqes0I/AAAAAAAAAmY/YeTY2hiTYt8/s200/wet_cat-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7.5 million Kid’s under the age of 13 are lying to get on Facebook? This is quite the revelation. Pre-teens are lying? That is unthinkable. How is the media able to uncover these amazing facts? Most of us as parents are still trying to figure out how the failed math test found its way into the trash. This kind of detective work is mind boggling. I can’t wait for the media to discover a Microsoft program that actually works for more than a year.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Honestly, these parents don’t know that their kids are on Facebook? When did the integrity of the pre-teen adolescent exceed the need for parental guidance? When my son was 12 he covered the cat in chocolate syrup and swore he didn’t do it. I would love to believe that. However, after our dog licked the cat like a giant Dilly Bar, leaving my husband and me to pay $200.00 dollars in veterinarian and carpet cleaning bills, I became financially skeptical. At some point, between 10 and 12 years old, both of our adolescents ran up a thousand dollars in texting charges after swearing they have only texted occasionally. We have survived BB gun incidents, small fires, spaghetti fights, flooding issues, computer hacking, and a bad circus trick that rendered a large piece of furniture useless. Why would we “assume” our children to be unaffected by the largest social phenomena to hit America since lava lamps and mood rings?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> This past week a 12 year old in Washington State was charged with first-degree computer trespassing after she stole another girl’s password for Facebook and posted sexual content that went viral. The 12 year old who committed this heinous act is now on probation, and the little girl who was victimized will suffer the ramifications of this incident for the rest of her life. The question that is being posed by the media is, “How can Facebook get away with allowing kids under 13 to become members?” A better question might be, “Where are the parents?” This question is becoming harder to answer. We have chocolate cats running all over the streets of America and no one knows where the parents have gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here’s an answer: $$$$$$. When your child throws rocks at a car: $$$$$$! When your child assaults another child, $$$$$$! If you didn’t know your child was illegally on Facebook, $$$$$$! If you are unaware that your child is cyber stalking another child, $$$$$$! If you are too busy to put safeguards on your computer, $$$$$$! Money can be heard by any parent in any walk of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When the courts put a 12 year old on probation nothing happens. When parents start getting charged large sums of money for allowing their child unsupervised access to the world, then real change can begin. Facebook will on long be a fabulous babysitter for parents. It will become a financial liability. Parental locks will begin to appear on children’s computers. Access to many internet companies will be denied because the mischievous neonate’s computer won’t allow it. There will be whining, complaining, tears and begging, but there won’t be Facebook, MySpace, or court ordered restitution. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is not Facebook’s responsibility to watch our kids. If it was I would have clicked on better results a long time ago. Responsibility for any part of a child’s life begins and ends with the parent. That is the reality of God and nature. So suck it up and clean up the cat, for there are no shortcuts to raising good people. </span><o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0