Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Crazy News

Woman Stalks Baseball Coach

A woman in New York was arrested yesterday for stalking her son’s ex-baseball coach.  Her son did not make the team so she began harassing the coach.  She sent letters to the entire family threatening the lives of the coach’s son, daughter and wife.  What’s the matter, didn’t they have a dog?   
This behavior is shameful.  I can understand being angry if you couldn’t get a decent cup of coffee at the concession stand, or the Parent Youth League Committee turned you down for a 23rd time when you presented your designs  for a freestanding Starbucks instead of a batting cage.  But to stalk and threaten the family of a baseball coach, when football and hockey season is right around the corner is insane.   You’ve got to know when to pick your battles.  If you think the ineptitude of your son (Nancy) is bad because he couldn’t even cut it in little league baseball, try finding a hockey ref that knows the game of hockey in the state of Tennessee.  Every time a hockey player, or innocent bystander who got too close to the glass, is carried out on a stretcher, they blame your son.  Every time a fight breaks out at the coke stand because once again someone didn’t carry the Fat Free coffee creamer, they’ll blame you.  Not everyone wants a butt like an engine block!  Am I right lady with the boy named Nancy?  Now that’s injustice. 


Dennis the Menace Arrested

One piece of news today, which is confusing, is the arrest of a 19 year old “man” in the UK who hacked into international businesses and intelligence agency computers.  Apparently he was able to outwit the security systems on the CIA Web page, a U. S. Senators government computer, and the Sony PlayStation Network.  Why arrest the kid?  Why not hire him?  The “Powers That Be” got caught with their pants down and now they want their pound of flesh.  The kid even hacked into Britain's census data, obtaining the records of every man, woman, and child in the country.  Face it guys, the boy’s got talent.  If you had a brain in your heads, that boy would be sipping a glass of Hidalgo in his plush new office at the West End of London.   Instead of seeing this glass as half full of liquid gold, officials are going to piss and moan until the almighty dollar shows up.  Yes, Bill Gates will end up spending a few bucks on that rug-rat’s defense team.  Then he will bring him back to America and give him the treatment that all hooligans get in this country, a big salary, 401k, and a Senate seat in ten years.   Wise up and sign him to a contract, or we will.

Whining is Annoying

The best news flash today was a major eye-roll for parents throughout the world.  A major psychological study done at  SUNY New Paltz  has uncovered a number of clues leading them to believe that “Whining is the worst sound in the world.”  The researchers have even written a book on the subject.  They found that whining interferes with one’s ability to calculate math problems.   Wow, this is an epiphany.  Most parents thought that whining only interfered with your ability to talk on the phone, finish a meal, or urinate in privacy!  We had no idea it could hamper our abilities to understand how fast Train A was going if it left the station at the same time Train B left and arrived two minutes later.  Thank you, almighty research gods!
The study goes on to say that some parents reveal whining as the most stressful part of the day.  They are confused as to what action to take to stop it.  Let me jump in here.  Whining is stressful because the child needs to shut up, or they’ll be doing TIMEOUT until they get hungry or grow facial hair.  If you are “confused” or uncomfortable with this concept then possibly you could avoid churches, restaurants, grocery stores, malls, or any other public place other parents who have learned to discipline their own children might go.  Is whining the worst sound in the world?  You bet it is.  Where are my book royalties?


No comments:

Post a Comment