Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Coupon Policy Protest Called Off!

All women in Spring Hill need to stand down!  I repeat--stand down!  Publix Grocery Store is still taking coupons.  We were badly misinformed.  All protests are cancelled!  Please inform Bobby-Joe immediately.  We will need to remove all livestock from the parking lot by 10:00am or be fined for trespassing.   All tractors, hay bailers, oxen and harrows need to be returned to the fields as the drive-thru at The Biscuit Barn is being blocked. 

The change in coupon policy at our local Publix is simply a response to Rita-May’s Extreme Couponing Club.  Publix is unable to keep mustard, relish, and chutney properly stocked.  While I find this encouraging news given the over-indulgence of Hellmann’s Mayo by some of the local members, it has resulted in a nationwide condiment shortage.   It’s one thing to stock up for a Deli Style Christmas Basket, but quite another to allow it to become an obsession.  One is a lovely thought; the other is a medical condition.

Publix allows double couponing as a courtesy to its customers, not as a way of paying for Bubba’s tuition at trade school.  That means you, Jolene Brussels.  Selling Fudge Striped cookies out of your van in the church parking lot is a bad example to your children and an unwise business decision given the atmosphere of low carb dieting.  It’s also a personal embarrassment to me as I was the individual to organize the Publix Protest/Parade in the first place.  The balloons cannot be used until St. Patrick’s Day and the Corn Holing contest is out of pocket money. 

I am not passing judgment on those who need to save a little cash.  My coupon box is bigger than my hope chest.  I’m the first person through the door on penny item day and the last person to leave when the pork product sample table is set up on Wednesdays.  However, with any free courtesies or kind deeds there are abuses.   Ladies we left “abuse” several weeks ago.  We have fallen into an unsettling position of grocery carnage.  We need to rethink using four coupons on one item then demanding change for it.  If we continue on this treacherous path, then the good people of French’s Mustard will surely go belly up.  It’s time to be better neighbors to our local grocery stores.

Now, who was in charge of the glitter bombing?

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